Discriminating
A collection of very discriminating (gender/race/nationality) jokes. These jokes don't reflect my opinion, I just find them funny. They're mostly quite tasteless as well, by the way. Again, don't say I didn't warn you!
A farmer sees someone drinking from a pool of water.
He says: "Stop this! This water is poisoned."
The guy that drinks says: "Bitte Entschuldigung, was sagen Sie?"
The farmer: "Sie sollen mit zwei Haenden trinken."
'Did you hear about the entrance test to the revived NAZI party?'
'No, what are they?'
'You must kill 10 Jews and a dog!'
'Why kill a dog?'
'You have passed!'
Why do men name their penises?
No man wants a STRANGER making 98% of his decisions.
Q. Why do women have legs?
A1. Have you seen the mess a slug leaves behind?
A2. So they can get from the bedroom to the kitchen and back.
A3. To keep your ears warm.
A4. So their feet won't smell like pussy.
A5. So they won't stick to the bathtub.
Why do women have vaginas?
So men will talk to them.
A blind rabbit and a blind skunk were both hopping through a forest. As
neither could see the other they soon bumped into one another. They were
both very apologetic each explaining that he was blind. As they had
something in common they stopped to talk for a while.
Then they decided on a game. Each would feel the other up and down to
try and discover what sort of animal the other was. The skunk went
first, feeling the rabbit he said:-
'Well you're small furry and have long ears - you're a rabbit'
The rabbit was delighted that he was recognised and had his go...feeling
the skunk up and down he said :-
'Well you're small greasy, hairy and you smell - you're a Pakistani.'
why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs ?
to prevent them from being mistaken for feminists.
Why does Ray Charles smile all the time?
Because he doesn't know he's black.
What's one definition of "confusion"?
Father's Day in Harlem.
What do you call a beautiful girl in Poland?
A tourist.
What's the grossest part of a sex change operation?
Inserting the anchovies.
Why don't they have any black summer snow skiers?
Because their lips explode at 10,000 feet.
How do you get an Iranian girl pregnant?
Come on her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a black person?
A dumb gorilla.
why do women have periods ?
because they deserve them.
When her five-year-old daughter began asking questions about the facts
of life, the mother carefully explained how babies were made. For
several days, the child went over this fascinating new material with
her mother. "So the sperm from Daddy fertilises the ovum from Mummy
and the baby is carried in Mummy's tummy." "That's right, honey" her
mother said. "But how does the sperm get there?" she asked. "Does
Mummy swallow it?"
"If Mummy wants a new cocktail dress, she does," came the reply.
Why do Jews have big noses?
Because air is free.
A black man goes to a Job Centre.
Black man: 'I want to have a job.'
Employee: 'That's a coincidence, there's a job as a boss of a bank!'
Black man: 'You're joking ?!?'
Employee: 'Who started joking in the first place?'
What's the definition of eternity??
The time between when you come, and she leaves.
Why do you never see any black kids on the Flintstones?
They were all still monkeys.
Ever noticed there were no black people on the Jetsons?
Future looks pretty good doesn't it?
What did the polock do with his first 50 cent piece?
He married her.
THE CREATION OF A PUSSY
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design.
First was a Butcher, smart with wit, using a knife he gave it a slit.
Second was a carpenter strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel he gave it a hole.
Third was a tailor tall and thin, by using red velvet he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur he lined it without.
Fifth was a fisherman nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it smell.
Sixth was a preacher who's name was McBee,
touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
Last came a sailor, dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it and called it a cunt!
Er wordt aan de hemelpoort geklopt. Petrus doet open,
ziet in eerste instantie niemand staan, maar ziet dan
bij z'n voeten een kleine, blanke foetus.
-Hallo, zegt Petrus op z'n aller-vriendelijkst, hoe heet jij?
-Ik ben een foetus, ik ben geaborteerd, dus ik heb nog geen naam.
-Als jij geaborteerd bent, kan je nooit gezondigd hebben:
kom maar binnen, hoor!
Het foetusje trippelt door de hemelpoort -trippel, trippel, trippel-,
en vraagt:
-Krijg ik nou vleugeltjes?
-Ja, hoor, zegt Petrus. En PLOP, het foetusje heeft vleugeltjes.
-Ben ik nou een engeltje?
-Inderdaad, zegt Petrus, en het foetusje vliegt blij weg.
Even later wordt er weer aan de hemelpoort geklopt, weer doet
Petrus open, ziet in eerste instantie weer niemand staan. Bij nader
inzien blijkt er dit keer een kleine, zwarte foetus voor z'n voeten
te staan.
-Hallo, zegt Petrus op z'n aller-vriendelijkst, hoe heet jij?
-Ik ben een foetus, ik ben geaborteerd, dus ik heb nog geen naam.
-Als jij geaborteerd bent, kan je nooit gezondigd hebben:
kom dus maar binnen!
Het zwarte foetusje trippelt door de hemelpoort, en vraagt:
-Krijg ik nou vleugeltjes?
-Ja, hoor, zegt Petrus, en PLOP, het foetusje heeft vleugeltjes.
-Ben ik nou een engeltje?
-Nee, zegt Petrus, *jij* bent nou een strontvlieg....
Q. Why was Helen Keller such a bad driver?
A. Because she was a female.
What's the definition of making love?
Something your girlfriend does while you're fucking her.
One day, a white man, an American Indian man, and a black man were
talking. So, the American Indian man says, "long ago, there used
to be so many of us, now very few." Then, the black man says,
"long ago, there were very few of us, but now so many!" The white man
replies to the black man, "That's because we haven't played cowboys
and niggers.!!!"
Q: What stops a woman's insides from falling out of her vagina?
A: The vacuum in her head.
God is speaking to Adam in the Garden of Eden..
God: You will notice, Adam, that I gave you a BRAIN and a PENIS.
Adam: Yeah, so?
God: There's a catch. I've only given you enough BLOOD to use them one
at a time.
Why do women fake orgasms?
They think we care.
1. In America they say:
"It's 10 o'clock, do you know where your children are ?"
2. In France they say:
"It's 10 o'clock, do you know where your wife is ?"
3. In Poland they say:
"It's 10 o'clock, do you know what time it is ?"
-Do you know why black people smell so bad?
-Then the blind can hate them too!
These two Polish hunters are out in the woods. They are lucky enough to
bag a moose -- a really big buck with a nice spread of antlers.
Flushed with satisfaction and eager to get their trophy home, they
proceed to grab hold of the moose's tail and start pulling the carcass
out of the woods. They pull and pull and pull but it won't budge.
Finally a fellow hunter comes by and says, "Excuse me for offering some
advice -- but you might find it easier to haul that thing by the
horns." The two Polish hunters are ecstatic to hear this! Thanking the
visitor heartily, they each grab an antler and start pulling.
A few hours later the fellow hunter passes by again and sees the two
tired Polish hunters still at it, slowly but steadily pulling their
moose by its horns through the woods.
"How's it going?" he asks.
"Great!" they reply. "We only have one problem: we are getting farther
and farther away from our car."
"I'm lonely," Adam told God in the Garden of Eden. "I need to have
someone around for company."
"Okay," replied God. "I'm going to give you the perfect woman.
Beautiful, intelligent and gracious -- she'll cook and clean for you and
never say a cross word."
"Sounds good," Adam said. "But what's she going to cost?"
"An arm and a leg."
"That's pretty steep, " countered Adam. "What can I get for just a rib?"
Ich mag Frauen, die ich noch nicht gefickt habe.............
